With that being said I realized lately that I also do a considerable amount of waiting. Waiting for the work day to be over, waiting for long workouts to be over, waiting for the weather to break, waiting to see progress, waiting for my new bike arrive (she a week overdue) and waiting for my damn scale to say something other than 260! (No, I’m not one of those women who lie about their weight)
My scale has faithfully read somewhere between 257 and 263 pretty much every single day since last May. With one exception, on Sept 16th I was at 255.6! Yes, it’s true, I weigh more than the average NFL Running Back. I managed to drop 25 pounds in 3 months and then…nada…nothing…zip…zilch! It has become the most frustrating part of my day, my week, my life!
People keep telling me I look great and asking how much I’ve lost. My favorite line is “wow, you’ve lost a lot of weight” No, no I haven’t! And when I tell people they say things like “well, you’re all muscle!” Wrong again…care to go for the trifecta?
For several months this didn’t bother me that much, while I was working out I was still eating like absolute crap. How upset could I be with my scale when I still had Papa Johns on speed dial? But last fall I made the attempt to at least clean up my eating. Yes, we had the holidays, but that wasn’t that bad because I spent most of December with some variation of the flu and for days on end couldn’t keep anything down.
Through most of January I felt I did ok. There was room for improvement, but I didn’t order and pizzas, I stayed away from fast food, most junk food and I haven’t had much to drink besides water and 2 cups of coffee a day. Am I eating perfectly, hell no and I’m not sure I ever want too; I like things like ice cream and chocolate. But I at least try to make better choices and stay within the parameters KBW has set for me.
But I’m not going to lie; it’s hard to watch everyone around me eat pizza and doughnuts and whatever the hell they want while I choke down carrot sticks, cashews and chicken. Last week I had some technical issues with my food logging app and just didn’t care enough to go back and fill it back in. It’s not so much that I want to eat poorly again, in fact I tried to partake in a Super Bowl party we had last week and couldn’t manage to eat any of the greasy, over-processed, cheese covered things I use to survive on.
I waver between feeling that I'm some kind of massive failure, somehow I’m screwing this up, to other days where I just feel like I’m completely incapable to ever dropping any weight, clearly my body hates me. I just wish I’d see some progress of some kind. (Yes, I’m whining, it happens, let it go).
At this point I’ve come to the conclusion that I will do the Half Ironman in August, well north of where I’d hoped to be. My knees will hate me and it will be exponentially harder than it needs to be, but I do most things the hard way anyhow! =)