The challenge came early in the week and I gave it hell, but came up short. As is my way I immediately started the process of beating myself up about it. I left the gym with all kinds of negative thought have a play date in my mind. Old habits die hard.
But by the time I got home my perspective had changed. Yes, I came up short on the challenge, but I had nothing to be upset about, I had truly given it my best, how could I be upset about it. I finished out the day feeling pretty good, I had tried my best and refused to let anyone (including myself) belittle the effort.
The following day I hurt like hell from the previous day’s challenge. My legs hated me and unfortunately for me, I had a squat challenge that day. Well, it didn’t go well and I failed a second time. Unlike the night before I was unable to shake myself out of the negative spiral I was in. I was allowed 3 failures and I just had two in as many days. To compound the problem I found out this isn’t a 30 day program, it’s a 90 day program and the 3 strike rule applies to the 90 days. How in the hell will I get through the next 73 days without failing again.
There were no more challenges that week, but I would have to redo the ones I’d failed. Which in my mind meant that by this time next week I’d be done with training, a complete failure.
Of course I had to tell KBW that I had failed not once, but twice. She of course asked why I failed and she got my “knee-jerk” response of “I was too slow”, and while that’s not an inaccurate response, it’s only part of the reason. It would take me a few days to figure out the rest.
Over the next few days I would remind myself of all kinds of things, none of which were helpful and some were just flat out lies. “I’m not an endurance athlete, I can’t do these things as well as other people can.” “I’m never gonna be able to do an Ironman, what the hell was I thinking?” “I suck” Like I said none of this was overly helpful.
After I got over myself and started to look at what really happened I realized a few things. When I saw the workouts, the first thing that ran through my mind was there was no way I could do that. The thought was fleeting, but it was there. I had set myself up to fail before I ever started. This was not easy to admit but then again nothing about this has been easy!
Training for this has been an interesting ride, and I’m learning that some of my biggest improvements don’t happen in the gym.